GIVING AND RECEIVING

I remember my mother, or mother-in-law, or someone saying caustically, “I’d like to give him a piece of my mind!”  I knew what she meant by the way she said it, as you probably did when you heard it.  I have often thought, since, that I too would like to give another person “. . .a piece of my mind,” –but in an entirely different sense.  I have tried to do that over the past few years by giving to my readers my thoughts—a piece of my mind—in these postings.

For that reason, as far as I can tell, I have had for years a difficult time during the Christmas season because of the cultural norm of giving material gifts which clashes with my desire to give decidedly immaterial gifts.  A gift should reflect something that pleases both the giver and the receiver—and it doesn’t have to come in a box.

 

I suppose it started when I read one of my intellectual icons, Ralph Waldo Emerson, who wrote an essay titled “Gifts.”   He said,

“Next to things of necessity, the rule for a gift. . . is that we might convey to some person that which properly belonged to his character, and was easily associated with him in thought.  But our tokens of compliment and love are for the most part barbarous.  Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.  The only gift is a portion of thyself.  Thou must bleed for me.  Therefore the poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the farmer, corn, . . . the painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief of her own sewing.  This is right and pleasing . . . . But it is a cold, lifeless business when you go to the shops to buy me something, which does not represent your life and talent, but a goldsmith’s.” 

The incident at the gate of the temple with the apostles Peter and John interacting with the beggar illustrates this well.  The lame man asked an alms of the apostles.  Their response was exactly what was most appropriate to the situation.  Find out what that was by reading from the Bible,  Acts 3:1-8.  And he, the receiver of the gift, was likewise appropriate in his response.

John Steinbeck, a famous author who left a legacy in where I live, wrote of a friend of his (and a friend of many others) who, despite this man’s many eccentricities and moral failings knew how to give the gift of himself.  Steinbeck wrote:

 “Ed’s gift for receiving made him a great teacher [and friend].  In conversation you found yourself telling him things—thoughts, conjectures, hypotheses—and you found a pleased surprise at yourself for having arrived at something you were not aware that you could think or know.  It gave you such a good sense of participation with him that you could present him with this wonder.  Then Ed would say, “Yes, that’s so.  That’s the way it might be and besides—” and he would illuminate it but not so that he took it away from you.  He simply accepted it.”  Then, “When you had something from him it was not something that was his that he tore away from himself.  When you had a thought from him or a piece of music. . . or a steak dinner, it was not his—it was yours already, and his was only the head and hand that steadied it in position toward you.  For this reason no one was ever cut off from him.  Association with him was deep participation. . . .” 

So, if you don’t get a gift (a material gift) from me don’t think too ill of me, and I won’t of you because I am simply on a different wavelength from the norm—if you didn’t already know!  You have received my gift.  Merry (better yet a sacred) Christmas to you!

SEXUAL MISCONDUCT

It goes by many names: misconduct; harassment; victimization; assault; abuse; boys being ‘fresh’; ‘boys being boys’; boys being jerks; etc.

These are euphemisms, what the dictionary calls the substitution of a mild or indirect expression for one unpleasant or offensive.  To get right down to it, it is rape.  Rape cannot be just of a woman’s body, it can also be of her spirit or her identity.  It is terribly wrong. 

When I think of young women being raped or enslaved in sex trafficking I think of Elizabeth Smart who was abducted in 2002 and raped every day for 9 months straight by an evil man named Brian David Mitchell before finally being rescued.  I was glad to see that her abductor was given two life sentences in the penitentiary. I would have given him some 'cruel and unusual punishment' as well if it was in my power to do so--as it is in a few countries.  Worldwide girls who are abducted for sex slaves are, in reality, being raped many times a day before being completely ruined or killed by their 'handlers.'  

I applaud women who have suffered probably less traumatic abuse for finally coming forth and identifying the men who have so damaged their lives. These men need help and to be brought to justice when they have gone over the line.

  

It seems that men who perceive they have some kind of power over women are the kind of men who do these things.  They seem to think that their celebrity or position entitles them to take advantage of a physically or emotionally vulnerable or some perceived weaker human being—women usually, sometimes children.  I am appalled by these men—they are a disgrace to the male gender.

   

As for the women, they too can be faulted for misconduct if they in any way encourage a man’s inappropriate advances.  They must know that men are easily encouraged. Encouragement, of course, does not give license, but it sends a signal that many men of whatever age interpret as ‘go.’ I think many women underestimate an undisciplined (by honor, or religion, or recognition of a girl’s or woman’s personal rights) man’s attraction to the female body.

 

Far too many women, today, do this by their revealing dress.  You see it everywhere.  Look at women on talk show television; there it is really a leg show.  Women in everyday dress now reveal their breasts to a degree women even 25 years ago would rarely have done.  And, of course, now ‘augmentation’ (surely for male visual consumption) is commonplace.  Women on television dance shows or ‘talent’ shows usually dress and often act very immodestly. Even for athletic events such as beach volleyball or track and field sprint races or gymnastics or even golf women dress in ways that are not at all necessary for good athletic performance.  ‘Fitness clothing’ at gyms is often quite immodest.  Most of today’s prom dresses are likewise an invitation for young men to make an advance.

I think women must ask themselves why they are doing these things before presenting themselves in an alluring way before men and then getting nervous or not knowing what to do when men respond.  Add to this flirtatious behavior and the fire is stoked for men.  They take it as an invitation.  Or, they just take it.

 

But back to men’s egregious behavior.  Probably in all ages of mankind has the male taken the aggressive behavior when it comes to sex.  Women must understand this and if they do not want to be taken advantage of must take protective steps.  They must have a worked-out strategy if things start to get out of hand.  They must not play with fire, regardless of who has ignited it.  

Some of those steps a woman can take are obvious: modest dress and clean language; always being in the company of trusted friends and never finding themselves alone in a car or a room or secluded place with men who they do not know very well; being in well-lighted places with others they trust; not becoming under the influence of alcohol or drugs themselves or being around others who are; not engaging in ‘entertainment’ --live or vicarious -- where others are behaving improperly such as parties, concerts, movies, videos, electronic entertainment including suggestive music, and any books or magazines with pornographic content.

The best thing men can do is to not engage in anything that stimulates them to focus or fantasize on women in an inappropriate way.  They must develop and then quickly activate activities that cool them down.  They must also develop a general attitude of respect for women and avoid being around women who they cannot respect or who stimulate them not to respect themselves. 

I have always believed in a chivalrous code to guide a man’s behavior in relation to women.  If a man cannot attract or win a woman’s friendship or love by decent behavior he should be rejected by the women he finds himself in the presence of and they should give him no ‘privilege’ of any kind.  This includes in the workplace, in school, and in family relations (especially in some cultures the extended family). 

It can be done.  Passions can be bridled just as a horse can be bridled.  And a man can gain great power over himself in that way—power that can be used in great ways that benefit himself and others.  And good women are drawn to that kind of power—that kind of man.  In that case it’s a win-win for both, and for society!  

SOJOURNER

Sojourn ( def., to dwell in a place temporarily then to travel on)

People may have asked you when you were younger, “If you had a chance to change your name, what would you change it to?”  A woman who made a mark in American history named Isabella Baumfree (1797-1888) changed her name to Sojourner Truth after being converted to foundational principles of the Christian faith.  In her earlier years she had been bought, sold, and abused as a slave; in later years she became a moral reformer and traveled and settled briefly (sojourned) throughout the Eastern United States articulating her message.  She was named in 2014 as one of the Smithsonian Institution’s “100 Most Significant Americans.”

I had never heard of a person named ‘Sojourner’ before, but I immediately liked the name.  I’ve been called various things in my earlier life (various nicknames, titles, roles) but if somebody called me Sojourner now I would probably be immediately drawn to them because of their insight. We are all sojourners throughout our entire life upon this earth whether we realize it or not.

Several years ago, I explained in one of my weblog postings why I liked many of John Denver’s songs.  One of those songs has a lyric in it that goes,

“Lost and alone on some forgotten highway, traveled by many remembered by few.  Looking for something that I can believe in, looking for something that I’d like to do with my life.”

He goes on to say that,

“Tomorrow is open. . . ” and “There’s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me, my life is worth the living, I don’t need to see the end.”

I perceive that many are like that. And I would concur strongly with singer/poet John Denver that ‘life is worth the living’ but differ with him in that it does help a lot to ‘see the end.’

Instead of really looking, really exploring, hopefully finding, and finally, someday, settling into a lifestyle that will be richly rewarding, far too many just take what comes along and then continue day-after-day to feel “lost and alone,” because they settled for something less than that which was destined could have been theirs. 

So, where does a person look to overcome their ennui or discomfort with their situation or station in life?  

Know that there is ‘a spirit [to] ‘guide [us] and ‘a light that shines for me’ that can give direction and example.   Open your books (or a public library’s books) and read some biographies of people who made a mark on their world.  In another weblog I commented on one such book that I would highly recommend:  David Brooks’s (2015) The Road to Character.  You will find in it many, perhaps just like you, who were on the road or ‘forgotten highway’ but took the right turn.  (In addition you might read once again Robert Frost’s little poem The Road Not Taken and see what it tells you.) 

But it isn’t just in books that we find direction.  There are living people all around who can be of great help.  And there is a Spirit to guide you.

Once we find our direction and come to sense our destination, however it is revealed to us, or by whom, we need to never again feel that our life is without purpose. 

One final hint:  Find someone or some place to be of service to or in and you will much more likely to find the ‘light that shines for me.’  

SEASONAL MANNERS TUNEUP

As the holiday season approaches many people find they are invited to dinner parties (Thanksgiving meals or Christmas or New Years’ parties) or decide to host dinners themselves.  For young people it is more often the former. That being the case, and since this weblog articulates an ‘old school’ approach to life, I thought it would be well to dredge up a few lessons your mother (hopefully) taught you.

In social settings a few principles should guide our behavior.  If these are in place the specifics that follow might make more sense. 

First point:  In interacting with people of any age, simple courtesies should always be practiced.  If you forget the details just be courteous. Someone said “Politeness is love in trifles.”  Your non-verbal communication in the first 3-5 seconds will establish your relationship.  You should want that to be an “I care about myself, but I care more about you” encounter.  A positive, cheerful radiant attitude will compensate for almost any faux pas (social mistake, pronounced ‘fo-, pa) you might make.  Show concern and sensitivity for others. Be warned, however, if you fail to say ‘thank you,’ ‘please,’ and ‘I’m sorry,’ anything else you might do or fail to do might not make much difference in the long run. 

A few other fundamentals then down to the details:  A small gift (e.g., flowers or candy) to the hostess of a gathering is always in order and appreciated. Smile with your face and your voice.  Use good eye contact.  Especially when there are other distractions you need to stay focused on the one who you are talking with.  Be loud enough to be heard, but use soft gracious tones. Avoid annoying habits such as scratching, picking, poking, slurping, standing too close, etc. Practice good posture.  In conversation do not make belittling comments or be perceived as being contentious or a know-it-all. Don't dominate a conversation.  Immediately following first encounters or special occasions write short ‘thank-you’ notes.

Table manners.

·        Don’t be late.  When the host/hostess signals that the dinner is ready you be ready immediately.  Stop your conversation, listen up, and go to where you are to assemble without delay. 

·        Don’t touch your food or drink until a blessing is asked or the host begins to eat or he/she instructs the guests to begin eating. 

·        Sit straight.

·        Pass food clockwise.  Don’t begin to eat until others get all or most of their food. 

·        Take small portions to begin with.  You can ask for seconds later.

·        Never blow on food or hot liquids. 

·        Don’t ever say anything negative about food.

·        Never push food with your fingers or lick fingers.  Use your napkin and keep it on your lap.  Do not blow your nose in your napkin!

·        Never wipe off silverware.

·        Do not chew ice.

·        Always pass salt and pepper as a pair. Be alert to pass things to others.

·        When taking butter, jellies, etc., place on a plate—not directly on your bread, and then spread on a small piece at a time—not the whole thing. Also, don’t cut a roll; you ‘break’ bread.

·        With soup, slide the spoon away from you and tip the bowl away. Don’t drink from a bowl.  Bring the spoon up to your face, not your face down to the bowl or plate.

·         Cut only a few bite-size pieces at a time and always eat chicken with a fork.

·        Always turn your head away when sneezing or coughing and never blow your nose at the table.

·        Pause to swallow before responding to a question.  Don't ask a question when the person you are asking has just put a bite in his mouth. 

·        Get up from the table on your left side and slide your chair back under.

·        Always thank the hostess and comment favorably about your meal or some portion of it (e.g., "great dessert!")

Introductions.

The principle to remember is to always show deference and respect.  If you are the introducer, after stating the name of the ‘higher ranking person’ – the person being introduced to – say something like, “please meet,” or “I would like to introduce,” or “this is.”  Examples:

• ·        “President Lincoln, I would like to introduce my brother Ken to you.”
• ·        “Susan, this is my friend from college, Bob Smith.” (Always introduce the man to the woman, regardless of age.)
• ·        Pay attention to names. Use their name immediately after being introduced and several times in the ensuing conversation.
• ·        Keep a small card and pencil in your pocket to write down names and brief identifying notes as soon as discreetly possible.  Believe me, it will help. 

·        When being introduced say something like this:

Ø “President Lincoln, it is such an honor to meet you.”

Ø “Susan, I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you.”

Ø “I’ve heard such great things about you.”

Ø “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Smith.”

Happy holidays.  These thoughts may make them a little more relaxed for you.

TURNING POINTS

We’ve all had experience with combination locks.  We know that to unlock the lock we must know the combination and dial each of the numbers in exactly the correct order.  We also must start the process by clearing the combination by turning the dial the right direction to start the process and then turning it forward and backward the right number of turns between numbers.

We need to know a few other things to be able to operate the lock: 

• ·        We must be careful not to have any ‘overruns’ or ‘underruns’ between the numbers or turning points.  Precision is important.
• ·        We cannot speed up the process by skipping numbers or substituting numbers.
• ·        Wishful thinking or being ‘creative’ with the process, or having great desire, alone, will not open the lock.  You have to turn the dial as indicated.
• ·        We must have enough light to see the numbers clearly.
• ·        If you mess up, being sorry, alone, will not get the lock open.
• ·        Force will not help the process along.
• ·        If you make a mistake anywhere along the way you will not be successful just by going on; you must go back and start the process all over again.
• ·        You must not allow the mechanism rust or corrode through lack of use.

Where am I going with this?

In unlocking your potential or unlocking opportunities or getting access to treasures or other things of value to you,  you must follow the principles this lock example represents.  There is a process to finding success to almost anything.  You cannot just hope good things will come your way.   There is an old oriental saying that says “He who waits with his mouth open for a roast duck to fly in is in for a long wait.”  You need to make things happen.

Fortunately, in life, there are instruction books or people who can help if you are not too proud to engage them in your behalf.  There are also examples and people who didn’t quit when they had failures but knew they were on the right track.  Read about Thomas Edison’s 1,600 experiments and failures and be glad he didn’t quit.  Don’t  you quit.  

But don’t overlook a ‘turning point’ either.  

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

Note:  This was written to a group of young single men who I work with and with whom I am fond. I suppose, with adjustments, it could apply to young women or even with marrieds as they reevaluate their relationships, as always they must.
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I’m going to generalize here, fully recognizing that every woman in the world is different from every other one but there are some commonalities among the opposite sex that you must recognize if you are to understand them and interact successfully with them. 

 First of all men must realize from the ‘get-go’ that women are psychologically different from themselves.   The title one author gave to his book was ‘Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.’  Women look at things differently. They see things differently. Different things interest them; different things hurt them.  They generally put more value on some things than most men do, and less on other things.  They are ‘wired’ differently; they have different brain chemistry and different hormonal balances.

To understand women you must respect their differences as you must also appreciate their differences.  (I know you already appreciate their delightful differences but that is only superficial.) Here is how they are really different:

·        If you want to be successful with a woman you must, must, must learn to communicate with her.  That means listening to her—really listening.  Listening involves more than just the ears. That means you look at her, at her eyes; you don’t interrupt her; you pay attention and really try to understand  what she is saying or not saying but meaning and expecting that you pick up on.  Only this way can you pick up on what she is feeling; because knowing and honoring what she is feeling is critical.  Women are more emotionally driven than men.  You must provide feedback to show that you are really hearing what she is saying.

·        Being more emotionally driven doesn’t mean that women are less intelligent. They as a gender are just intelligent but often in different ways.  Neuroscientists sometimes identify their intelligence as more centered in the right hemisphere of the cerebral cortex of the brain (the creative side) and the male in the left hemisphere (or analytical side).  One way you could look at it is that each gender is to some extent ‘half brained’ and for  either male or female to be a whole person they must come together with each complementing the other to help with their deficiencies.   The Bible teaches that, “It is not good that man (or woman) should be alone.”  And neither does a normal man want to be alone.  And neither does a normal woman want to be alone;  but many, especially educated women, would rather be alone than with a dolt of a man.

So, to get down to it, here are a few things I suggest:

1.     Women process things verbally.  Talking comes first. Women bond with other women (or men) by sharing ‘feelings.’  When with her, respectfully listen and empathetically respond to her thoughts and feelings first. Smile, nod, develop and use non-verbal skills. Show that you understand her and appreciate her (if you do); but if you don’t, then ask for more detail.  No matter what, do respect her and do not criticize her. Then share things about yourself—your feelings and your values as well.  As you share your feelings and values and goals with her she gets to know you much better than just sharing what you do, did, know, have, or want.  Remember, though, don’t focus or spend too much time on yourself. The focus is on her, not you. 

2.     Know that ‘little things’ mean a lot to a woman.  I’m talking about small acts of kindness or courtesies, or remembrances, cards or inexpensive gifts. Surprise her.  Do more than you are asked to do.  Wash her car, hang a picture for her, do something that helps her.  But don’t let a dependency relationship develop either for you or for her on you until you are truly committed to her and she to you.  Even then, it is not healthy to be ‘dependent,’ but rather in time learn to be ‘inter-dependent’, complementary—but that comes later, in marriage.  Backing up, after you’ve had a date, when you are home alone, write down things she said, likes, hopes for, values, and did.  Then, if you are pursuing things with her, bring them up in later conversations.

3.     When trying for a date, plan things in advance.  When you do call, ask her to do something specific with you—a sporting event, an art show, a concert, a dog show, on a hike, to go to church, to look at a car you are interested in, working on a project together, serving in the community, etc.  Just ‘hanging out,’ especially if it turns into a group thing doesn’t count for much in advancing a relationship.

4.     If you are rejected but still interested try again.  Give her space and give her time.  Always respect her boundaries.

5.     Don’t come across as needy—or dependent.  Weakness is not attractive in a man.  You are not looking for another mother for yourself. 

6.     When you come to the point where you are considering marriage to a woman who you have gotten to know very well, and who you could commit your life to with honor and without reservation, know that when it comes to predicting happiness in a marriage, you want to find somebody who is as similar to you as possible on the things that matter most. 

7.      Gentlemanly behavior comes across much better than a ‘macho man’ or a braggart or an aggressive type.  Be pleasant, not crude.  Develop a smile.

8.     Be clean and well-groomed.  Be your best self: be interesting.  If you are not interesting, start learning something that sets you apart somehow. 

Always look for things you can compliment her on.  Look for the good. Don’t ever leave her without complimenting her on something.

WE CAN WORK IT OUT

I would like to take off today on the lyrics to a popular Beatles song of a generation ago. Let’s think this through. . .  

                    We Can Work It Out

                               by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Try to see it my way
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone

We can work it out
We can work it out

Think of what you're saying
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right
Think of what I'm saying
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night

We can work it out
We can work it out

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend
I have always thought that it's a crime
So, I will ask you once again
Try to see it my way
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long

We can work it out
We can work it out

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Think of what the lyrics are saying.  The singer is saying, “I’m right and you are wrong.”  But then he is saying “WE can work it out.”  Do you detect some problem here?  I do. There is truth mingled with error in the whole set of lyrics. 

Truth:  We can work it out.

Truth: Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friend 

Error:  …see it my way. 

Singer’s interpretation of ‘seeing it your way’:  You are wrong. Result?  Defensiveness.

 

What do each of us (couples, employers / employees, neighbors, teams, nations) want?  To get our way.

A better solution:  Let’s get together and work it out with a ‘win-win’ solution.

 

How to do it:  Agree that neither party will try to get what they want by lying, deceit, flattery, manipulation, bribes, demanding, force, position power, threats or even compromise (I will soon get to this). 

Agree that there could be a third way (not my way, not your way, but a better way).

The way?  Seek first to understand then to be understood. Come to understand the other person’s perspective first.  Listen, and then listen again.  Only then talk.  You have two ears and one mouth.  Use them in that proportion.  If we rely only on our own intelligence or experiences we suffer from a shortage of data.  Tap into their view of things. Add to it your view of things.  Explore other views of things pertaining to your concern.

   

Then, Synergize (not ‘my way’ alone; not ‘your way’ alone but a third way where we both ‘win’). Synergizing is becoming interdependent. We create or come to recognize new alternatives—something that wasn’t there before—creating a new script for us working together. You complement each other—not compete with each other.  We do this by aligning ourselves with universal principles that are outside of ourselves. Some of these principles are Life itself—what sustains it and promotes it; another is Justice or fairness; others are Responsibility; Work; Peace; Respect; Mercy; Purpose; Integrity; Honesty; Cooperation; Faith in something higher than ourselves.

Synergizing is better than compromising.  Compromise is lose-lose: (3-2=1)  Synergizing is Win-Win – a new solution arrived at by working together: (1+1=3 or more!)   

Yes, we can work it out. 

But we first have to get out of ourselves. 

p.s.  I would recommend a careful reading of Stephen R. Covey’s outstanding book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  This is one of the three or four most important books I have ever read.      

A MORALIST

I’ve described myself as a latter-day moralist—an unpopular profession in an increasingly cynical and secular world. 

A moralist was, in earlier times ‘a voice crying in the wilderness’ . . . ‘the same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light. . . he was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light’ (John1:23, 7, 8 Holy Bible, KJV).  The moralist of old provided a witness and a warning.  He was a counterpoint to common culture. He (or she) chose to stand on higher ground, to resist the pull toward popularity or self-indulgence, to try to lift and lighten, to soothe and strengthen, to benefit and bless.  Such a person was not the ideal but believed in focusing on the ideal—and sought to try to influence others to embrace the values and virtues that led to that ideal—a  productive, acceptable, and happier life. 

Unfortunately not only is it, in our time, unpopular to assert that one is concerned with morals, values, character—even principles, especially ‘eternal principles’—Isn’t he presumptuous!—but it is considered pompous, ‘holier than thou,’ unseemly, and not ‘politically correct’ with many of our supposedly more liberal friends.  Consequently, one who does so may be subtly maligned or at least quickly dismissed.  For who does he think he is?

Ironically, in the name of ‘tolerance,’ which many secularists enthrone as the highest value, they are intolerant to those who are so bold to assert that the hedonistic pursuit of ‘self’ is not in the top three, or maybe even in the top ten, of acceptable life-pursuits of one inclined to respect and value traditional Christian or even traditional ‘Western’ values.

 

The problem is that so many of our young are not even acquainted with classical values.  They are not aware that work, sacrifice for others’ benefit, the values espoused in the Boy Scout oath (don’t they laugh at that!) were what brought this nation to ‘its finest hour.’ Neither are they aware that the dethronement of these values is the cause of many of our most pressing problems—personally and societally.

   

And so, I view myself as a spokesman for what was once a very common set of values and standards of decency that respected life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  But life (Jesus said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly”  (John 10:10)) is not valued if it is killed intrauterinely or as a terrorist act of revenge or as an act of lust by deranged men; liberty is not paid for without self-restraint and sacrifice and does not come without responsibility; and happiness does not come with guarantee or entitlement but rather by a clear-conscience and the experience of serving others.

 

Morals are no longer part of the public conversation except from certain pulpits.  Old Schooler seeks, in its very modest way, to change that.

Our moral compass needs reset.  We need to take back our social institutions from the cultural deconstructionists and put the heart back into our demoralized older generation and our younger generation who have had it carved out of them. C. S. Lewis wrote in The Abolition of Man; “We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise.  We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.  We castrate and then bid the geldings be fruitful.”

We need more men and women who are counterpoint spokespersons –more who are not afraid of crying in the wilderness of a culture and social institutions gone terribly astray.  

WORDS

‘Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.’

 Anyone of my vintage will have either heard this schoolyard retort or resorted to it themselves when words did, indeed, did hurt.  Closer to the truth might be this:

 ‘Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will break my heart.’ Or heal it. Or motivate it. Or captivate it. Or inspire it. Or teach it.

Anyone who writes or reads knows of the power of words—of language—to  move the world.  As Austrian philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein has written, “The limits of my language mean [or define] the limits of my world.”  Scholar Hugh Nibley has observed, “[Consider] the really marvelous things that writing does: the astounding feats of thought-stimulation, thought-preservation, and thought-transmission. . . . Language [organized words] is mankind’s other world, the dream world, a playing field, the parade ground, the shady retreat, the laboratory, the theater, the forum, the mirror of the cosmos.”

I remember a discussion in a social-psychology class I took at my university that explored the notion of words, themselves, being the mother of thoughts, and thoughts as actions.  That is, it posed the question,  “Would one even be able to think (at least think more profoundly than simple reactive or self-preservational thoughts of animals) without words to provide structure for action or direction or introspection or analysis? 

My experience and response to this question is, no; we would not be able to think or at least not very deeply.  In fact, I do not think, in general, that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words.’ The only way that could be a truism is if the picture were very carefully chosen and framed and the words came from an introductory children’s primer. 

I find it of interest that my Bible (King James Version) has over 20 scriptural citations in the Old Testament and over 50 in the New Testament regarding the power of words. They range—as a sampling—from:

·        “. . . man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Lord [i.e., revelation] . . . . “  (Deuteronomy 8:3)

·        “How forcible are right words.” (Job 6:25

·        “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” (Psalms 119:105)

·        “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” (Proverbs

·        25:11)

·        “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” (John 1:1)

·         “For the word of God is quick and powerful . . . “ (Hebrews 4:12)

·        “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” (Rev. 21:5)

Words are absolutely foundational to progress and the quality of life of sentient beings; they are mankind’s chief tool of communication.  Words are such a great blessing to humankind that it pains me to hear them sloppily used.  What would life be without the lyrics to some of our most powerful music (think Handel’s Hallelujah  Chorus), the words of the great English poets, scripture, and the insights and wisdom of the world’s great literature?

This is why I find the words of such genius’s as Emerson, Lincoln,  Brigham Young, George MacDonald, C. S. Lewis, and Neal Maxwell and a few others so influential in my life.  They were word-masters and consequently thought masters.

I can understand Jesus’s wrap-up to his Sermon on the Mount that If his foregoing counsel did not impact or at least stir the reader in some powerful way, that his disciples should “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine. . . .” (Matt. 7:6)  If you have read this far I know you are not of these species.

So I end with just a few memorable lines from a few of these word ‘masters’:

• ·        “Every revolution was first a thought in one man’s mind . . . every reform was once a private opinion . . . the creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.” (R.W. Emerson, History essay)
• ·        “Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet and hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” (J. F. Kennedy “Ask not what your country can do for you. . .” speech, January 20, 1961)

Seek words out of the best books and enrich your life and others’ immeasurably.  

COMMENCEMENT

It’s likely that all my readers have gone through a commencement exercise.  You remember the color, the joyfulness, that there were many onlookers proud of you and hoping for your future success and you remember that there were speakers. But you don’t remember what they said.  You had other things on your mind.

There was also a commencement of this new nation when it declared its independence from England in 1776 (and formalized in 1789 when our Constitution was ratified) that we combine for convenience and celebrate on the 4<sup>th</sup> of July.  

The second sentence of The Declaration of Independence famously said:

            We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

 The preamble of the Constitution of the United States readS:

             We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

In order to “provide for the common defense” of these principles “we the people” must more frequently—I would even say daily—remember that as each new day ‘commences’ (i.e., we have a new Commencement) we  have a personal responsibility to defend in our sphere of influence, no matter how small it may be perceived, civilization itself.

 

There is a time to lay down arms, and there is a time to take them up, and that we are now in a time to take them up should be “self evident.”  We have a right protected by our Constitution to “keep and bear arms” to defend against and preempt barbarous attacks upon our persons and our country and our way of life. Civilization is increasingly vulnerable not only to fanatic terrorists,  it is vulnerable to cowardice and betrayal.  Our education should supply us with a memory of a thousand struggles, of thousands of battles, and of millions of those who fell and now stand with honor to establish and defend those principles that in these documents should be “self-evident” and personally subscribed to if we too are truly Americans. 

If civilization can be attacked on many fronts (e.g., the many venues chosen by suicide bombers and terrorists; a hostile press and media; some self-serving politicians, a decadent ‘entertainment’ industry; a law-breaking populace of certain citizen and non-citizen groups, mobs, and deranged individuals) it can also be defended on many fronts.

 

We may not have to bear arms such as guns, but we can bear our voices and our consciences, our personal convictions and our example and not cave in to pressures of a weak and decadent society.  We can volunteer to serve in many good causes, we can write our elected leaders, we can write our blogs, or letters to the editor of our newspaper opinion pages, we can write our letters and notes to our friends and relatives, we can salute and fly our flag,  sing our National Anthem, personally obey the laws of the land—we can take a stand and thereby we can stand out and we can make a difference. 

  

Will it take sacrifice?  Yes.  Sacrifice probably of time, of income, position, title, acceptance of fair-weather friends, perhaps even of life.  But what will be earned is a kind of battlefield commission that will give you neither rank nor insignia nor anything but honor.  The sense of honor may be slow to awaken in some of us but if it exists in enough of us it will prevail for it always has, and that is what got us here in the 241 years since we declared that we were a united people.  United in great principles that the free world, the decent world, has always respected and sought to become part of because they sensed deep-down that it was “endowed by its Creator.”  People of the world have always in far greater numbers sought to come here than to leave here.

And so I ask you each day to ‘commence’ the day with honor.  Choose your battles but stand your ground. For little things cascade into big things, and even should the larger battle not go well for a time be determined to hold your ground. You might lose some things, but you will gain what really matters—God’s valuation and validation—His gift of strength to those who need it most, when they need it most.  And you will be justly honored by those who come after you. God has blessed America. 

MONTEREY POP 1967 -- UNFINISHED LIVES

I didn’t attend Monterey Pop in June of 1967, but I lived so close by that had it been held in, say, 1963, I could have heard it just down the road about a mile away out of my bedroom window.  My wife--who I also didn’t “attend” because I didn’t then yet know her—did get in and attend as part of the crowd with dubious credentials as a ‘reporter.’

Monterey Pop, which preceded Woodstock by two years, presaged a domino effect on the music and lives of an entire, and what would become iconic, generation (my generation). It was a beginning—and   who would have known it then—ultimately an anthem to a large portion of a whole generation of music fans but also to other cataclysmic transitional cultural and social movements— the Civil Rights, militant Women’s Rights, and hippie movements.

At the time, I looked forward to knowing that the venue of Monterey Pop was coming to my community only because I knew and liked the laconic, by comparison, music of The Mamas and the Papas and Simon and Garfunkle, and saw on the posters that they would be singing. Frankly, I had never until then heard of the performers who later made this seminal event so iconic: Otis Redding, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendricks, The Byrds, Jefferson Airplane and many others.  But whether initiated or not, I suspect that few, if any, of us could anticipate what would  happen in the next decade.

 ‘Unfinished Lives’

 

The performance of Otis Redding, the final act of the Saturday night portion of the Festival (indeed, maybe the whole festival) was, and I think could be fairly said to be, the ‘tipping point,’ or jumping off point for an entire cultural era which transformed music and cultural mores. It at least introduced a style of music and pop culture dubbed—‘sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll’—of which I was only vaguely, and thankfully, not very familiar.

Otis Redding’s style and his voice in some of his songs painted a sound of increasing, leading to an even brutal, intensity and finally a  confrontation or conflagration leading to burnout.  His treatment of his concluding song Try a Little Tenderness seemed to be a harbinger of what happened to him as well as to a generation of followers—beginning with Monterey Pop and continuing with Woodstock and beyond.

Redding’s five song set: I’ve Been Loving You Too Long; Satisfaction; Try a Little Tenderness that Saturday night included, after a warmup, his song Respect, which he had written a couple of years before.  At the conclusion of Respect he said to the people below the stage, “You are the love generation, right?” The thousands packing the fairgrounds arena vociferously agreed.  It gave all who heard a more-or-less hazily focused identity which they lived out for the next decade.  (Respect was also recorded exactly three months earlier in 1967 by Aretha Franklin and rose to the top of the charts by June when Monterey Pop occurred).

Following the festival at the Monterey County Fair Grounds Redding felt he needed voice surgery which he had planned to have later that summer.

He barely lived to have it done.

Ironically, Otis Redding’s most popular song, Sittin on the Dock of the [San Francisco] Bay, (written by him following Monterey Pop while Redding was still in California and recorded only two days before his death by airplane crash at age 26) was released posthumously a couple of months later.

Dock of the Bay portended the temporal end for many of my generation (remember Viet Nam ) as well as for a number of other stars in that event. Within two years Jimi Hendricks and Janis Joplin were also dead.

Because of the Vietnam war, the cultural revolution of the so-called ‘Dawning of the Age of Aquarius,’ and the liberality and suggestibility through music of the ‘new morality,’ many of my contemporaries—not just musicians—continued to have ‘unfinished lives’ or didn’t even make it past the mid- 60’s to mid-70’s decade at all.  Sadly they went out with either ‘bang or a whimper’ or neither and are still to be seen around as the hapless and homeless people on the streets of America (see poet T. S. Eliot, The Hollow Men, 1925).

Alas for the most colorful—and maybe tragic—decade of my lifetime.

But for me, praise the Lord, it wasn’t like that.