Oblivious

Read the next sentence at your normal reading speed and read it only once counting the number of f’s in it:  Finished files are the result of years of scientific study combined with the experience of the years.  Now, without looking back, how many f’s did you count?

Seventy percent of smart people who follow instructions (did you follow instructions?) see three f’s at first count.  Actually there are six.

Most people who miss the f’s miss them in the little preposition ‘of’ –a word so common and seemingly unimportant that our eye just skips over it.


How often does being oblivious to the common or seemingly unimportant keep us from seeing something right in front of us that may be a clue to some human need that we could help resolve? 

In our lives are people who we may encounter or interact with some regularity such as people we work with, or people whose services we rely on, or even close friends or family members who may have needs or wants or feelings that reveal themselves if we were only more observant—if we were only looking. 
 

Too often, though, we only become aware when the person blows up, walks out, hurts themselves, or experiences some disaster that might have been delayed, avoided, or resolved at an earlier, lower level.  These people, more often than not, have become invisible to us (like the letter ‘f’) because we were too familiar with them on the surface or took them too much for granted, or couldn’t ‘see’ them because we were too busy looking at ourselves.  Moreover, because things (growth or decay) usually happen gradually we miss the change because of the process of time.  We didn’t experience these people deeply enough, in the early stages, to make a difference. 

We must all admit there are people all around us who are in the sphere of our influence and with whom we could make a difference, but who we may become oblivious to, like those who Jesus called “the least among us.” They may be, as the boy I saw depicted in an old short film, “Cipher in the Snow,” or the young black man in Ralph Ellison’s novel, Invisible Man (1952).

             

 Much of the heartache suffered by others—which ultimately causes our heart to ache as well—could be avoided and lives enriched—if we took more of a proactive and caring attitude toward them.  To do that we need to be looking, sensing, listening, understanding and, for some of us, being much, much more kind. 

Nice Guy

It always amazes me how easy it is to make things easier for yourself—to make things go better even in a bad situation.  And not only easier for yourself, but also easier for the other guy. 

 

It doesn’t take money to do so.  It doesn’t take nice clothes or a fancy car or a big house.  It doesn’t take a fit body or plastic surgery or a poster-boy/poster-girl face.  It doesn’t even take a good education (although if you are truly educated you will know how).  You don’t even have to be funny.

It takes an attitude (no, not that defiant in-your-face ‘attitude’); it simply takes a cheerful attitude, a pleasant demeanor, a smile, and a good word for others.  It takes less ‘me,’ and more ‘thee’.  It takes asking about them before (always before) telling about me. 

    

Here are a few ‘asking’ ideas, and a few ‘telling’ comments to get a conversation going or a relationship started off right or back on track if it is going wrong 

·               ‘It’s been so nice seeing you/hearing from you’ (if on the phone put a ‘smile in your  voice).

·               ‘That’s a great looking garden (or grandson or golf club, etc.) you have…’ and smile.

·               ‘How did you do on your. . . ?’ and smile.

·               ‘I remember the last time we . . . .’

·               ‘Tell me about your . . . .’

·               ‘Will you join me/help me/show me . . . ?’

Being a little human or a little vulnerable yourself never hurts if you want to be viewed as a ‘nice guy.’  It also never hurts to forgive someone or say ‘thank you,’ and mean it, and do it with a smile.  And it never hurts to serve someone.

If these ‘starters’ don’t give you a few ideas, or remind you of what you already know, then think of and study someone you know or know of who is an acknowledged nice person and try to emulate some of their qualities you admire.

Finally, if you can’t think of someone, how about the late actors Robin Williams, or Doris Day, or Julie Andrews, or golfer Matt Kutcher?  Surely you know someone out there –I’ve got several I work with, live with, worship with and so do you.

It wouldn’t hurt our world to have another ‘nice guy’ out there.  If you can learn to dance, or to play golf, or the piano, or to learn a few words in Spanish you can certainly learn to smile.  Look your friends (or wished-to-be friends) in the eye, ask, ‘How are you?’ and stay for the answer.

Drugs

In a rare burst of mindless television watching today (while waiting for the oven to heat up) I actually paid attention to the commercial advertisements that aired while our set happened to be tuned to ABC news.  I was astonished by what I saw and heard.  For some naïve reason I supposed that there would, of course, be a few brief commercials because this was, ostensibly, a news program, but I thought that the half-hour would be mostly news. 

I was wrong.  What I did see was only a few very brief snippets of actual news embedded in a  barrage of advertisements for drugs that promised to take care of practically every kind of human ailment that could be imagined—from digestive issues to pain relief, to dry mouth, to heart medication, to diabetes, to dentifrices, to foot fungus medications, to alcoholic beverages that would bring on pleasant social involvement, to sleep aides.  All in one half-hour of ‘news.’

It seems that America is totally hooked on the notion that drugs of one kind or another can resolve any kind of physical or psychological issue that a person could experience. If people weren’t, why would the drug companies advertise so heavily?

All these legal drug enticements lead me to consider why people can also be persuaded to use dangerous illegal drugs.  These substances promise relief or distraction, I guess-- from psychic pain, from inadequacy, from a ‘boring life,’ an escape from the challenges of reality, and can give, so they suppose, thrills, happiness, social acceptance, and who knows what else. 

 

The Mexican (and American) drug wars, the violence and crime from ‘turf’ battles among gangs in our cities stem from the same notion: 'customers' think they can find anything they are looking for or need in a bottle or a smoke, or a syringe; and rogue 'chemists' and pushers find this to be the best/easiest/only way they can make a living. 

The reality is that social problems in schools, in families, in neighborhoods—the reason so many people are involved in crime and are incarcerated, why so many traffic accidents occur, the homelessness problem—the list goes on,  can almost always be traced to an association with drugs (we must not forget that alcohol is a drug).

I was taught and warned about these things in school health classes and later in college psychology and sociology classes—as were almost everyone literate enough to read this essay.  So why do so many people fall for these beguilements? 

  

I submit they just don’t listen or pay attention to facts or they think that ‘it won’t happen to me’—that addictions or deleterious consequences only happen to the other guy.  How wrong they are. 

As folk singers Peter, Paul, and Mary sang a half-century ago, in a different context but with the same result, “When will they ever learn?” 

Or as Pogo so famously said, “I met the enemy. . . and he is us.”  We are our own worst enemy.

Wake up America! Unless drugs are prescribed and monitored by a responsible physician  and taken as prescribed and only when truly needed for as short a time as possible should we consider taking them.  And even then, consider carefully the always present possibility of addiction being a side-effect.