Friday, July 19, 2019

FAMILY MAN



Being the father of a large family and child-sitting a grandson every week and having taught school as a profession it is surprising that I have never written about children. Perhaps it is because they are so much a part of my everyday life experience and thoughts I have taken them for granted.  I will try to begin to make up for that with a few observations (some my own, some from others) that may be funny, or not, but which I believe and have some or much truth in them that could help others.  

·       At the end there are three things that matter to a man, regardless of who he is; and they are the affection, understanding, and welfare of his family—every person in it. 
·       There are no real difficulties in a home where the children hope to be like their parents one day.
·       You can do anything with children if you only play with them. 
·       Before we had children, I had five theories about bringing up children; now I have five children (plus six step-children) and have no theories.
·     "The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.  Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households.  They no longer rise when elders enter the room.  They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs and tyrannize their teachers."  (Socrates)                                                               
·     "The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children."  (Duke of Windsor)
"I’ve seen kids ride bicycles, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim, and race for eight hours . . . yet have to be driven to the garbage can."        Erma Bombeck
·       Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
·       One cannot see the evil deeds of one’s own children. 
·       Small children give you headache; big children heartache. 
·       Children are often spoiled because you cannot spank two grandmothers. 
·       He who takes the child by the hand takes their mother by the heart.
·       Child psychology is what children manage parents with.
·       The young always have the same problem: how to rebel and how to conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. 
·       With a child in the house all corners are full.
·       The most influential of all educational factors is the conversation in a child’s home.
·       The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
·       If a man is fortunate he will, before he dies, gather up as much as he can of his civilized heritage and transmit it to his children.
·       A home is ruled by the sickest or loudest person in it.
·       The most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your own home.  

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

AN INTUITION TO THE ESSENTIAL THINGS



I heard a sports journalist, Jamie Diaz, use that phrase this morning as I watched the television run-up to The Open, formerly called the British Open golf tournament.  He was talking about one of the premier golfers of the world and his approach to preparing for major golf tournaments. 

Any reader of mine knows that I am a golfer.  But what a casual acquaintance with me as a person or as a reader may not know until they have spent a little time with me is that my interest and enjoyment in golf is but part of my internal focus on what I deem to be the much more essential things that make up my life—or any life.  Golf, for me, is an enjoyable end in itself, but it is also a means to looking at more important things.

If you are going to be a major player in anything in life I believe there is an essential approach to the essential ‘things.’ (This reminds me of the song ‘The Gambler’ sung by Kenny Rogers, “You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, and know when to run . . . .”)

Golf has given me an enjoyable way of learning through the discipline that it takes for me to be a good golfer that it also takes the same type of approach and discipline to be good at anything that one may not have been naturally gifted.

A person has to be teachable.  That is to say, the person needs to discipline himself to not saying ‘I know,’ when he does not know; to not looking away or doing other things when a model or opportunity is made available to him that he could observe and try to replicate.  And if that is not possible, then looking up the answer when the model is not available to consult.  In short, it is to use the moment when it would otherwise be wasted, and then come back to it as soon as you can.  We can always learn from others—what to do, or what not to do. We need to observe and to ask them, and ourselves, ‘What is essential?’

A fundamental essential thing that we need to know in golf or in life is what our weaknesses are and then face them square on.  Next, we need to figure out how they could be remedied.  Then we need to work on those things using every resource that is available to us when they are available.  This includes time as well as people as well as books or other materials.  It needs discernment as to (from another song) ‘what to leave in and what to leave out.’ Then, when we find a success we need to immediately reinforce it.  Do it over and over until it starts to take root in our muscles and our memory. 

I have been repeatedly reminded of the insight once learned to ‘not get caught up in the thick of thin things.’  We need to cull out the ‘thin’ or unessential or unproductive things. There are essential things (lessons, best practices, approaches) embedded in nearly every activity—but there are, more importantly, best activities—the  essential thick things of life—our physical and spiritual health, our family, our contribution or ‘calling’ in life, our commitments and our covenants, our duty to God and country. Concentrate on and put your best efforts on these things.  

Take stock, identify the essential things, and then go from there.  

Friday, July 5, 2019

PERVASIVE RELATIVISM



If you are under about 35 you probably didn’t hear much about the term ‘relativism’ during your schooling in your teenage and young(er) adult years.  That is because it was so de rigueur (cool) by then and so pervasive (common) now. Since about the mid-‘60’s-‘70’s, life, as you are now experiencing it, is taken as simply ‘the way it is.’ But there was a time, before the cataclysmic epoch-changing 1960’s, when things were very different. 

Social scientists, philosophers, and traditional religionists looking back recognize a tremendous shift in the attitudes and perceptions young people developed in those years—a huge cultural shift.  Consider the words to an immensely popular song in the late ‘60’s:

“There’s something happening here
What it is ain’t exactly clear. . . /
I think it’s time we stop, children, what’s that sound
Everybody look what’s going down. . . /
There’s battle lines being drawn
Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind. . .”

(lyrics from Stephen Sills’song For What It’s Worth, Buffalo Springfield, 1966.)  

Explanatory to those views, here is how an esteemed university scholar and representative of the older generations (people born before about 1955) views the majority of today’s young people—especially high-school and college-age students (ages 14-39). Contrast it with earlier times: 

“Students are deficient in moral formation, in reading of serious books, in musical tastes, and above all in love [he rightly considers ‘relationships’ as a sad excuse for love].  They are shallow.  They have no longing in their souls for anything high or great.  Their minds are empty, their characters weak, and their bodies sated with rock and roll and easy sex—or at least with the belief that sex is ‘no big deal.’  These students come equipped with a simple-minded relativism that is quick to close off all discussion with the tag, ‘Who’s to say what’s right and wrong?’   Their relativism justifies [to themselves] an easygoing openness to everything, an openness which expresses their incapacity for being serious about anything.  Their proclaimed openness [today they call it ‘tolerance’] in fact, turns out to be a dogmatic closedness toward moral virtue.”

      (Thomas G. West, notes from “Allen Bloom and America,” in 
       The Claremont Institute, the Claremont Review of Books, 1988.)

The high schools, and particularly the universities, along with fractured families with the debilitating effect of divorce on children and the child’s capacity or motivation to learn and to love, are largely to blame for these distorted views.  Many  educational institutions (again, particularly the ‘elite’ liberal universities whose faculty are largely  children—those spoken of in the song lyrics quoted—of the 60’s and 70’s) have openly taught that life has no intrinsic meaning and therefore that there is no principled difference between good and evil (or that there is no evil). Therefore, law is a joke. Many of their students who believed these things have children (the current young adult generation) who also believe these things, who claim to be open to everything, who “are filled with boundless seas of rage, doubt, and fear and that liberty means nothing more than self-realization or self-expression with no intrinsic moral limit.  Their music, which is reflective of their culture, has anger and desperation in it. . . ” 
                          (Allen Bloom, The Closing of the American Mind).

So what is the solution to this sorry state of affairs?  Well, for starters, how about revisiting America’s founding principles?

Even inspired foreign observers could see what we need or would need to salvage the mess our society has become. The French observer of society and culture, Alexis de Tocqueville wrote of it with prescience in the mid 1830’s in his Democracy in America, and the great Russian writer Alexander Solzhenitsyn in the 1970’s understood our founding principles better than many of our politicians and young people when he said, in A World Split Apart, “In American democracy at the time of its birth, all individual human rights were granted because man is God’s creature.  That is, freedom was given to the individual [by God, not by government] conditionally, on the assumption of his constant religious responsibility. . . . [They] have lost the concept of [divine principles and] inalienable rights which used to restrain our passions and our irresponsibility.”  The language of the Declaration of Independence, of course, supports Solzhenitsyn’s claim: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights . . . .”

Men are subject to the laws of nature’s God.

The Founders were well-aware of the need for public-spirited citizens.  I think that they well-understood and welcomed immigrants who would desire citizenship with the duties and loyalty it required (and restricted entrance to those who wouldn’t).  They anticipated with clarity the consequence of a loss of public virtue by any who came here, or resided here by birth—even their own offspring, if they did not subscribe to these expectations.  They believed that a people accustomed to living however it pleased, who saw no higher purpose than, say, entertainment and having fun—or indolently living off a government and disrespecting its laws, a people demonstrably incapable of self-government in the sense of controlling selfish passions and interests—would also be incapable of self-government in the sense off democracy, making public laws for themselves to live by.  

Founder James Madison says in Federalist 55:

“Republican government presupposes the existence of these qualities [men’s capacity for virtue] in a higher degree than any other form [of government].But if a people ever becomes slavishly lacking in self-restraint, lacking in understanding or respect for law, if their "spirit shall ever be so far debased," they, alas, "will be prepared to tolerate anything but liberty."

And so they have.  And that is the crux of the problem.

Some things--many things-- are not relative.