WE CAN WORK IT OUT

I would like to take off today on the lyrics to a popular Beatles song of a generation ago. Let’s think this through. . .  

                    We Can Work It Out

                               by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Try to see it my way
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone

We can work it out
We can work it out

Think of what you're saying
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right
Think of what I'm saying
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night

We can work it out
We can work it out

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend
I have always thought that it's a crime
So, I will ask you once again
Try to see it my way
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long

We can work it out
We can work it out

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Think of what the lyrics are saying.  The singer is saying, “I’m right and you are wrong.”  But then he is saying “WE can work it out.”  Do you detect some problem here?  I do. There is truth mingled with error in the whole set of lyrics. 

Truth:  We can work it out.

Truth: Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friend 

Error:  …see it my way. 

Singer’s interpretation of ‘seeing it your way’:  You are wrong. Result?  Defensiveness.

 

What do each of us (couples, employers / employees, neighbors, teams, nations) want?  To get our way.

A better solution:  Let’s get together and work it out with a ‘win-win’ solution.

 

How to do it:  Agree that neither party will try to get what they want by lying, deceit, flattery, manipulation, bribes, demanding, force, position power, threats or even compromise (I will soon get to this). 

Agree that there could be a third way (not my way, not your way, but a better way).

The way?  Seek first to understand then to be understood. Come to understand the other person’s perspective first.  Listen, and then listen again.  Only then talk.  You have two ears and one mouth.  Use them in that proportion.  If we rely only on our own intelligence or experiences we suffer from a shortage of data.  Tap into their view of things. Add to it your view of things.  Explore other views of things pertaining to your concern.

   

Then, Synergize (not ‘my way’ alone; not ‘your way’ alone but a third way where we both ‘win’). Synergizing is becoming interdependent. We create or come to recognize new alternatives—something that wasn’t there before—creating a new script for us working together. You complement each other—not compete with each other.  We do this by aligning ourselves with universal principles that are outside of ourselves. Some of these principles are Life itself—what sustains it and promotes it; another is Justice or fairness; others are Responsibility; Work; Peace; Respect; Mercy; Purpose; Integrity; Honesty; Cooperation; Faith in something higher than ourselves.

Synergizing is better than compromising.  Compromise is lose-lose: (3-2=1)  Synergizing is Win-Win – a new solution arrived at by working together: (1+1=3 or more!)   

Yes, we can work it out. 

But we first have to get out of ourselves. 

p.s.  I would recommend a careful reading of Stephen R. Covey’s outstanding book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  This is one of the three or four most important books I have ever read.