Manipulation

My most recent essay considered, once again, the observation that being an ‘actor’ in the drama of life is superior to being an object ‘acted upon.’  I feel constrained to treat one or two more aspects of this subject and then try to let it go—at least for a while. 

 

First, be aware there is a danger either way: by being a tyrant or a manipulator as an ‘actor,’ or allowing oneself to be manipulated and used unjustly by or at the convenience of others.

Taking the first position—being an actor—consider the following:

If, in common human interactions, you, by age, strength, power, position, title, authority, reputation or resources enforce your desires on others by domineering, coercion, intimidation, physical or verbal abuse, or resource manipulation you are in the wrong.  In my Church we call these behaviors unrighteous dominion.  Examples of this would be oppressing, afflicting, or enslaving a person, bullying them, withholding rights, love, or courtesy or deserved privilege.

 

This is most often done by the more powerful of the two or more people in conflict, but it can be done by someone as young as a child. Parents and other caregivers have often been manipulated by an uncooperative, insubordinate, or demanding (of time, attention, or resources) child.  Caregivers often and unfortunately give in, bribe and thus enable undesirable behavior and perpetuate the manipulation.

 

One can be an actor in righteousness but to do that he/she must act by the rules of decent, kind, and moral human engagement.

Concerning the second position—being one who is acted upon—consider the following as a way to get out of that position:

 
         You can and should stand up for your rights, but never demand a privilege; that,    in fairness to all must be earned. Many people have ‘rights’ and ‘privileges’                 confused.  One should not be afraid to push back in kindness—not in kind--against        being manipulated by any confused person.
       

All must come to realize that the notions of maturity, qualification, earned reward, experience, privilege, competition, are always in play in an open society—whether that be between two individuals, between one person and his environment, or in the home, the marketplace, in school or entertainment, or in many other venues where people compete for position. Positive position comes with time, effort, work, and accomplishment of skills.

 

One who is not willing to act—to work, to obtain the qualifications, to adapt, to follow the rules (written and unwritten), to put oneself in the right place at the right time and making the right presentation of personal assets and qualifications is likely to remain acted upon.  It may indeed be justice that it is so.  He or she in effect chooses to be a resource rather than the other way around.  Not that anyone should be merely a ‘resource,’ but understand that there is a give and take in the commerce of human engagement, and one should not feel it is a right to ‘take’ when he is unwilling to give.

 In either case let fairness and consideration of others be your guide for the knife cuts both ways.