Teenage Kids

(This is an adaptation of an article I had published in a professional journal while I worked as a public school teacher in California.)

   
        They can be charming; they are often infuriating.  They can be perceptive; yet they frequently seem obtuse beyond words.  They can give 110%; yet they will try to get away with anything and everything to avoid effort or responsibility.  They are the children in that unfortunate stage of early adolescence--youth between the ages of twelve and fifteen.

          As one who had taught early adolescents for over three decades and who sometimes had to learn the hard way, these observations are written to alert and help prepare the adult who is charged with the stewardship of these youngsters' education.  Theories of adolescence abound and they should be studied.  But what follows are some of the stark realities of social behavior that the books don't mention and that sometimes catch the novice unaware or unprepared. 

          Besides the most obvious visual signs that a young person has moved into this, fortunately, temporary condition--the sudden physical growth changes (larger), body contour alterations (more adult-like), voice, skin, hair and sudden raiment changes (often bizarre)--are the behavioral changes (most assuredly not  adult-like) which accompany it.  A few examples are tendered to alert and explain:

          Early adolescents are LOUD.  They talk loudly, like their music loud and seemingly cannot stand the sound of silence.  Silence must be filled with their talk or other self-generated sounds. Or it comes from the sounds of their music from stereo or walkman (now, I guess, telephone) or if all else fails at least the popping sound of their chewing gum.  They are either turned on or off (to be taken in several contexts): their mechanism seemingly having no volume control other than "on" and "up." 

          Adolescents have their own language.  Now it seems to be especially abbreviated, maybe not so colorful as in my youth but more cryptic--especially their texting language. 

          Youth, especially boys, are very PHYSICAL.  Movement from place to place seemingly cannot occur without touching, pushing, chasing, perhaps tripping or at least jostling.  For a boy to reach around and surreptitiously touch someone on the shoulder or back of the head and then feign complete unawareness of the other person's  annoyance as to who touched them is very amusing to the perpetrator.  Disagreements among boys often lead to pushing matches, which, with the encouragement of one or both of the antagonist's friends (which can be expected), may lead to a verbal, or fist, or foot fight.  And when a fight does occur it becomes a signal for every other adolescent in the vicinity to immediately run to view the violence.  For these children fighting is exciting!

           To flush a toilet or put up the lid when appropriate; to remember that what you said about the use of vulgar  or crude language (which, incidentally, most  youngsters this age are trying out) as not really impressing anyone; to understand that cutting across the grass in the same place or pulling on the volleyball net as one goes by it, or closing a door on a classmate, or laughing when someone has a mishap are not behaviors which will win them points--all of this, and more, must be repeatedly taught.  Telling an adolescent once is like not telling him at all. 

Students this age are easily influenced by their peers--for good or for ill.  The teacher will find that one or two "difficult" students can quickly contaminate a class.  To save the class these students must be dealt with promptly and privately.  Consequences must be clearly explained to them and then carried out with consistency should the need arise.  Isolation is a powerful change agent for many of these difficult youngsters.  Being away from their friends is "harsh" treatment in their eyes.  To take away their electronic devices, for a while, is tantamount to 'cruel and unusual punishment.'

          Early adolescents are easily influenced by changes in their usual environment.  Distractions very easily capture their attention (unfortunately much more, often, than a teacher's careful planning).  A little weather, a little wind, a dropping barometer and a teacher or administrator can be sure behavioral aberrations will escalate.  The teacher does have the advantage, albeit a small one, of knowing what the youngster will probably do before he or she does it and theoretically can take proactive steps to reduce the incidence of the inevitable.

          The reader is cautioned to not get caught in the trap of thinking because a student is now in the middle school years that the young person is suddenly a young man  or young woman.  Of course it is the teacher's job to encourage them to become the young man or woman that they will someday be, but one must recognize that they are still years away from social and emotional maturity. 

          The fact is that with the trauma of skeletal growth and sudden hormonal changes, for many there is a probable regression.  Brains are not developed at the same rate as their bodies.  Sixth graders who were showing encouraging signs of responsibility and industry often suddenly regress as a result of the stresses they encounter from their body and from their new environment.  The typical middle school experience with many teacher and room changes, tardy bells, and new classmates from numerous feeder elementary schools along with the physical and social changes common to the age all contribute to the young person's disequilibrium. 

          Young adolescents need consistency and role-models--maybe more so than ever.  They work better with a routine and with something and someone with whom they can identify and count on.  In the lives of many adolescents there is much in their life-experience they cannot count on.  The family as historically the most important socializing agent in a youngster's life is not something the teacher can now automatically count on either.  The teacher finds that a custodial function comes with the teaching contract.  It is simply not enough for a teacher these days (if it ever was) to be only a subject-matter expert.  The inculcation of acceptable social behavior and mores and of universal moral values is an important part of the job.  And that Is a hard sell these days since the enthronement of 'diversity' and 'tolerance' as contemporary societal values.

          What all this means is that the teacher must count on his or her young adolescent charge being still far from being socially developed.  Many of these youngsters are diamonds in the rough, but at this age the typical young adolescent is very, very rough indeed.  Socialization of young people (the modern word for "civilizing") becomes one of the biggest challenges the teacher will face.  

An intuitive understanding of the consequences of one's immature behavior escapes the typical young person of this age.  They just are not focused on what an adult takes for granted.  Impetuosity, self-centeredness, self-justification and irresponsibility are unfortunately part of the age.  Without your explaining, reminding, modeling, and rewarding innumerable times one simply cannot assume that the average young teenager will remember to do what you might otherwise think should come naturally to a reasonable person.  Acceptable social behavior, in short, is not a natural endowment.  It must be learned and it must be taught and it must be reinforced.

          The point of this article has been to alert the adult who takes anything for granted in the lives of an adolescent is immediately in for a challenge that most sane adults would rather do without.  For challenges will come anyway--they are the essence of the age.

            And yet, teaching (or parenting) can be immensely rewarding.  In the final analysis, I found that all I could do as a teacher was to always stay composed, prepare for the worst, hope for the best and make plans in my spare time for another profession for later in life when I would find that I no longer possessed in full measure the patience of Job, the charity of Mother Teresa and the strength of Superman. 

In case you are wondering, I am enjoying my retirement and my teaching of adults.