Fathers

Soon after the establishment of Mother’s Day in this country—about 100 years ago—the publicly recognized influence of fatherhood in society began to be promoted by some mothers and women’s groups. One encyclopedia source says that its promotion was met with “much satire, parody, and derision.” Sadly, even today many think that beyond the physical begetting of children, and maybe a paycheck, men are superfluous.

How wrong they are.

Those who came from good and happy homes knew that good parenting, which included good fathering, was vital to the welfare of children and to society. Although a number of Presidents of the United States in the early 20th Century tried to promote it, it was not until 1966 that the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers was made and six years later, in 1972, when President Richard Nixon signed a law making it a permanent national holiday. It is formally recognized in many countries.

In 1960, when I was a boy, the total number of children living in fatherless families was fewer than eight million. Today it is around thirty million; around half our children are being raised in homes without their fathers. Many men, especially among the more poorly educated and certain minorities, have abdicated their responsibilities. And society has suffered. A few other sobering statistics may drive home the point: Over 75 percent of American children living in fatherless homes will experience poverty before the age of eleven, compared to twenty percent of those raised by two parents. Children from fatherless homes are absent from school far more frequently, and far more likely to be expelled from or drop out of school. They are much more likely to develop emotional or behavioral problems, commit suicide, fall victim to child abuse, and are far more likely to become violent criminals. Seventy percent of men incarcerated in prisons did not have fathers in their homes. Boys seem to suffer more, but girls also tend to act out when fathers are absent; they much more frequently become rebellious and promiscuous.

The fact is that mothers and fathers parent differently and both are needed. What children need to develop good character and to be prepared for their future is the combination of what mothers and fathers bring to the parenting equation, just as both the hammer and the anvil is needed to shape the iron, or both blades are needed for a pair of scissors.

Boys and girls need a high level of nurturing balanced by a high level of control. Fathers are more than just ‘paychecks,’ but can and should be teachers, protectors, and good examples as well as moral guides. To do this they need to be physically and emotionally present in their homes. If they did not have a good example in their own boyhood home, then they need to learn how to be a good father. Many resources are available to help them learn how.

Men need to honor their marriage, and if they are blessed to have children honor their sacred role and title as husband and ‘father’ and to honor their wives and children with the best they have to give. Nearly any pubescent male can sire a child, but it takes a dedicated and responsible man to father one. Then, when the third Sunday in June comes around, such a man can accept the card or necktie with satisfaction. Honor is earned.

It is an honor to be a father.