Decorum

As I watched the speech given last week by President Obama at the memorial service for the victims of the Tucson shooting I was struck by the indecorous behavior of many in the audience. The applause and cheering, and even the dress of some, were totally out of place—both for the nature of the occasion and for the man delivering the remarks. I thought the President’s remarks were thoughtful and appropriate, but the response by many was only appropriate for a political gathering by supporters of a candidate or at a pep rally; and I am glad that our President did not encourage or engage in any of that.

It is clear that manners don’t start overnight, but it is also clear that adult people should grow up and realize that certain types of dress, grooming, speech, and actions are appropriate only in clearly defined arenas, and in many social settings they are not ever appropriate. It is not that we need to be ‘stuffy,’ but we do need to be respectful of the position some people hold, the place we are in, the nature of the gathering, and the traditions of where we find ourselves.

It is a simple thing to investigate the history or background of the places we go and the people we engage with and to adjust our appearance and behavior and language accordingly. As a general rule it is always better to be better dressed, more decorous, and use better language than we did as a child. Overdoing it rather than underdoing it, I believe, is a better start and one that can be more easily adjusted downward (i.e., more casually) if the circumstances dictate. It has been my observation that men are bigger offenders, generally, in dress and grooming, and women in sloppy (though thankfully not as vulgar as many mens’) speech.

First impressions and subsequent impressions do matter.