LEAN ON ME

Let’s take this as a first thought—the need to belong to somebody. 

If we ever have, or have had, the privilege of becoming a parent we must know at the outset that the child we parent needs to know that they belong to us, at least for the first 15-20 years, maybe longer--that he or she can count on us until the time comes they must stand on their own.   As a parent we must be reliable.  We will provide for them, we will protect them, will care about them—will value them, won’t abandon them or abandon their other parent. And in some way, though they can’t articulate it, they intrinsically feel their parent needs them. In short, that they will love us and they can count on our reciprocation. 

Since we were all this child we have experienced this to one degree or another.

Take it one step back.  If we have the privilege of marrying, the same basic assumptions or expectations are in place.  Many marriage ceremonies have in them the language that the woman ‘gives herself’ to the man and vice-versa.  If it is less than that then a built-in instability or weak foundation will one day give way when faced with the stresses the relationship will inevitably have to face. Somebody will get hurt—and someone may likely feel they are adrift—that they belong to nobody. This is not true, but many feel that way. 

There are a couple of ways out of this. 

  

If we do not feel we are ‘number 1’ in somebody’s life, we will still seek to belong to somebody—even if they are ‘number 2—or 3’ or more. If we can’t find that ‘somebody’ as a substitute for an intrinsic family relationship or for most, the ‘programmed-in’ need for a marriage counterpart, the need will, probably less-satisfactorily be met by somebody or some organization or group or gang or something that in some way needs us.  It is a human imperative—this need to belong.

There are others, though, many others, who can help.

Songwriter-singer Bill Withers died yesterday.  His song, ‘Lean On Me,’ inspired many that there are others, indeed we could be the ‘other’ in other circumstances, there to help.  Many of my generation and even much later remember his words: 

“LEAN ON ME”:

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on . . .

Be the ‘other’ that someone can lean on.  As you do, both of you can be made strong until the day you need “somebody to lean on”!