LESSONS FROM HOME

The older I get the more I acknowledge that people have absorbed from their parents (wittingly or unwittingly and probably more from one parent than the other) lessons that continue to color their lives.  At least so it was from my father to me. For many of the people I know it was their mother.

When I was a boy growing up I just assumed most other fathers were like my dad.  I took him for granted, resented him for some things, thought for a while he knew everything, was proud of him, then embarrassed by him, knew I needed him because I couldn’t maintain myself, and finally, shortly before I got married and moved out of my childhood home, couldn’t wait to leave.  By then I believed I knew as a college student many things dad didn’t know and I wanted to know more that I believed he couldn’t teach me. Besides, at age 19 it was time to go. 

    

Well, there were lessons he taught me that I didn’t know at the time he was teaching me that I now know became a large part of my personality for good. 

Here are some of those things: 

I was taught that “if you don’t find or take time to do it right the first time, when are you going to find time to do it right when you have to do it over? Work at it until you get it right. Work never killed anyone.”  A deliberate, contemplative approach to things that I have to do/should do has helped me not make any serious mistakes in my life;  but I have sometimes procrastinated and failed to do things when they ought to have been done—when I didn’t work like I was taught and time was wasted and I regret that. Dad often paraphrased this quotation by Benjamin Franklin: “Lost time is never found again.”

I was taught that “if you make a promise or commitment to yourself or to others, follow through on your promise. Do it.  Hold up your end of the bargain.  Don’t be a slacker or prove untrustworthy or unreliable.” He disdained these types of people. I don’t disdain them, but I try to never be classified with them.

I was taught to not be a “taker, one who takes but does not give back at least as much as he receives.” As a child, or one who is in need, we often take what is offered through the kindness of others, but do we, now, in turn give back with interest, so to speak, what we can as we gain resources and competencies to do likewise? He taught me self-reliance and he taught me service.  He served.

I was taught to not expect anyone or any agency (such as government or even family or friends) to do for me what I could and should do for myself.  If I did, how could I grow?

He taught me to never take advantage of people, whether because of their color, social or economic status, age, or physical or mental capacity.  I interpreted that to mean live the ‘golden rule’ at all times, in all places, and with all people.

I was taught to go into debt only in the direst of circumstances, and certainly not for anything frivolous.  Save for it and pay cash.  I was taught to stay out of any kind of bondage—whether to creditors, or to bad habits.

He taught me to pay attention, watch carefully, listen first and talk last.

 

Dad never helped me with an algebra problem, or a spelling word, or anything academic, but he did teach with his actions many of life’s most important lessons.

Dad died nearly eight years ago but his lessons remain with me.  I think of him more now than ever.