THE POWER OF ONE'S NEED

The older I get the more I learn about the power of ‘need’ in the dynamics of human relationships.  I have not learned this through reading books, at least not on superficial or first readings (although maybe by assimilation over the years by acquaintance with good literature) but mostly I have learned it by observation or involvement with other peoples' needs. 

 

I had long observed that the perceived ‘need’ of the most powerful person in a relationship gets the attention.  Or, it was the squeakiest wheel, so to speak, that got the grease.  In more recent years, however, I have found that the most ‘powerful’ person is not always the healthiest, or oldest, or wisest person of the relationship.  Indeed, it can likely be a baby in a family or the sickest or loudest or most emotionally demanding person who drives the responses, resources, time, or attention of the primary caregiver or need-fulfiller.  I have also learned that primary caregivers usually get their role by default—or proximity.

In earlier, or less ‘enlightened’ times or cultures the most powerful person, and therefore the one whose needs were considered paramount—and thus met—was assumed to have at least one, and probably several of the following qualities: maleness, physical size, physical strength, wealth, other visible or bestowed resources.  If others didn’t recognize those ‘qualities’ – well, too bad: they had to bow to them anyway.  The ‘boss’ was the boss, no matter how he got that way. 

In the long run, though, it was more often than not in a compassionate relationship that the truly neediest person became the receiver.  Some people –infants, the very ill, the least able to survive unassisted—rightly became the focus of the best efforts of the closest related person who had and was willing to share his /her assets—augmented by professional help if it could be afforded. 

And so the role shifts.  We will all find ourselves at some time the best able to provide the help—and at other times the least able.  Every person in an intensive care unit at a hospital or in an ‘assisted care’ facility who still has even a modicum of cognitive ability left will tell you that.   If their need goes beyond that and they can no longer express it and if you have the courage to visit and really observe such a place, you will soon find it out for yourself.  And then, depending on the nobility of your character you may feel prompted to step up and attempt to fulfill the need.

    As my mother used to say, before she could no longer say it, “Getting old is not for sissies.” That is not just a cliché.  It often takes a long time for a young person to recognize that. 

What then is needed?  That which is always needed at every juncture of a person’s life—Charity, ‘the pure love of Christ.’ It really is the only way to responsibly meet the greatest, and for almost all, the last great challenge of life.

And if you are the grateful receiver, then just smile—if you still can. 

HANGING ON

I assume we’ve all seen the poster or picture of a frightened little kitten hanging on to a rope for dear life.  By common sense and past experience we know that a kitten or a person can’t hang on forever.  He has to make a decision or the decision will be made for him.  Fatigue or entropy will eventually win if he just decides to try to hang on without moving.  How many try to do that in the challenges of their lives?  It can’t be done for long.  One must move on or he will fall backward or off his rope.

I wish to speak today about not only holding on or letting go, but a third alternative—climbing upward.

A couple of Biblical scriptures come to mind:  The Old Testament prophet Elijah was not one to try to hang on to the status quo; he constantly enjoined people to move upward:  “How long halt ye between two opinions? If the Lord be God (of which fact Elijah had no doubt), follow him: but if Baal, then follow him.  And the people answered him not a word.”  The rest of the chapter records the result of the peoples’ equivocation and a prophet’s actions  (see 1 Kings 18:21).

For Christians, how does Jesus view such equivocation? To some church members in the time of his early apostles’ ministry he first gave commendation, to others encouragement, then to some who were halted in their progress a chastisement.

To illustrate I paraphrase, in light of my metaphor of the cat hanging on,  a passage from Revelation 3: 8, 10, 11, 12, 15-22. God knows what challenges we have and of the degree of our efforts to make it to the top of our rope.  Our “hour of temptation” is the temptation to let go, to quit, to cave in.  But he encourages us to “hold that fast which thou hast” (our rope—our worthy goal) and keep climbing!  There is great reward for those who make it to the top.  For some otherwise good people, though, he is not pleased: “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot …so then because thou are lukewarm. . . I will spue thee out of my mouth.”  Why? Because of their apathy or fear.  Self-justification, he tells us, will not avail.  Start climbing!  “To him that overcometh” the fatigue and entropy of the daily challenges of life, “will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, . . . with my Father in his throne.”

Far too many people claim they are just hanging on; and in fact they may be if the only criterion they judge their lives by is their financial status or outlook. But the reality is that they are falling backward in their apathy as they waste the days of their probation spiritually, intellectually, physically or socially. 

There is always something we can do to move toward a higher goal.  And there is always somebody to help us.