Texting

I don’t text.

I do, however, try to keep up somewhat with what is happening in my world.

I sometimes read the weblog of FOCUS ON THE FAMILY and came upon an article, a few weeks ago, ‘Texting Lingo Every Parent Needs to Know’. The article really opened my eyes – especially the 156 comments that were posted in response.

I guess I have truly lagged in this area of electronic communication. If you are a parent of a child I would guess between the ages of about 8 and 40 I suppose you have to deal with this issue of texting either to monitor it or to know that it is happening and is probably out of your control. The Pew Research group apparently recently concluded that “most teens prefer texting to talking—with a third of them sending over 100 messages a day.” I have concluded that this is a very big deal for parents to add to their plate.

After sampling a number of the comments that educated me to what is going on (some very negative things) I selected a few of the parents’ comments that might help some of my readers who have children:

I keep coming back to this . . . my children need technology in the culture they have been born into. They have to develop discernment and discipline in order to live with these tools and be able to still have righteous and pure lives. They won't be under my roof for forever and will need to be able to stand firm wherever they may be. So . . . that is where my efforts need to be concentrated. Standing firm on one's convictions has never been easy. But way too many times, young people get a free pass from their parents and other adults in their lives excusing their immaturity and poor choices as "Kids will be kids", "That's teenagers for you." Yep - when the bar is placed that low - it sure will be.

We've decided as a family to avoid the entire texting craze...while we have cell phones, none of us text (including mom and dad). Our kids are proud to tell people, "We don't text...we prefer real conversation." They've seen how it has affected teen relationships and how much they hate it when friends are so busy texting people who aren't there, that they miss out on face-to-face conversation with the people who ARE there. We aren't anti-technology, just anti-texting. It seems to be a fad that has been detrimental to grammar and spelling, and detrimental to relationships, so we've chosen to be counter-cultural and say "no".

Texting and text lingo is just another advance in real-time communication. This type of tech talk will not going away any time soon; it will most certainly develop into something even faster and more efficient over time. We believe it's a perfectly acceptable form of communication when used responsibly. For my husband and I, it saves us a tremendous amount of time as we converse with others on business issues or send quick notes back and forth. No face time has been lost because of it and we are much more productive as it eliminates the time we have to spend hanging on the phone having empty conversations. As far as children are concerned - it should be monitored like television shows, computer usage, language, or anything else. There must be boundaries, expectations, and accountability.

I simply cannot devote half of my day everyday to look over their shoulders and follow-up after them on every forum, website, or texting conversation they have encountered. I do try to do some of it each day though - at least they know that I do care and will be watching them somehow, somewhere! But they also know that God sees them 24/7 - no hiding anything there!

Our daughters have cellphones but like other parents, we let them know that they are a privilege to managed responsibly. We have set clear boundaries around how, when, and where, etc. For example, phones are not allowed at the dinner table. They must be left on the counter or in the other room. (Parents lead by example.) Phones are left on the kitchen counter at 9:00 pm on school nights, 10:00 pm otherwise. As parents, we must be given the passwords to their phones and they are aware that we may conduct random checks on them at any given time. One thing we do not allow is any picture-mail or pictures by texting. They understand that this is for their protection – we may trust them but not everyone who may send them a text message may be as responsible. All it takes is one wayward foolish teen to text/sext an unwanted picture and the one receiving is still held accountable and you can’t erase a picture in your head. Therefore, no picture-mail. If there are any concerns with how they communicate with us or others (ie: bad attitudes with us, family, teachers, or inappropriate texts w/friends), phone service is easily managed at the account level – where we can turn texting on/off, data on/off, manage allowable numbers or suspend service all together. We do not get into “tug of wars” with “hand me your phone”, etc. We just go to the internet and manage the account. Because they value their communication privileges, it is a rare occasion that we have to enforce the consequences and when we do, they respond with very sincere and quick repentance.

I'm just having to approach this all with faith. God loves my children, my children love God. They seek to follow Him each day as best they can. Because He loves them more than I ever could, I have to trust that he will convict them if they are going off-course and help them as they seek to get back onto the path of righteousness.