On Contention

So that we don’t contend over definitions let us settle on this for a definition: Contention is not discussion, but the opposite; contention puts an end to all discussion, as does war. In reality a declaration of war is an announcement that the discussion is over. Whether the war is declared as a war, or as a ‘conflict’ as the Viet Nam ‘conflict,’ or whether it occurs in such a small ‘killing field’ as in a home between a husband and a wife, the polarization that occurs can be deadly. When two or more people are shouting and nobody is listening they are not having a discussion.

As a variation on the old schoolyard saying, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me," it has been more truly said that ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can break my heart.’ So true.

Of course, people can and should have ‘discussions,’ but when one of the parties starts laying traps for the other or starts manipulating or preparing his or her strategy without honestly listening to the other person with a willingness to change if the other person has the higher ground, the discussion is ended. Ulterior motives of power and gain become the object, distortions, accusations and lies become the method, and a desire for mutual improvement flies out the window. The ‘discussion’ degenerates into contention, becomes a disagreement then sometimes totally loses focus and becomes a cold or hot war. People begin playing what they call ‘hardball,’ to maintain their position or gain advantage.

When more people become involved it degenerates into a dispute where people take sides and form ‘factions,’ antecedents to political parties, a dreadful outcome that our Founding Fathers feared and hoped, unsuccessfully, to prevent. In our day statesmanship has lost the discussion or civil debate to incivility, and politics has too often become an abomination.

I would go so far as to say that in our time our very culture, our institutions, our legal system of litigation, our television ‘talk’ shows, even much of our entertainment in form, content and intent has become contentious. When this is not checked or goes on too long, amity, brotherhood, goodwill, and love of mankind goes up in smoke. Indeed, the love of many ‘waxes cold’ and, alas, we become strangers to each other in a common land.

Matt's second guest post

Hidden within the folklore and myths of Western Europe are a wealth of plots, irony and wisdom that have helped shape western thought as we know it. Many of these tales are pure fancy while others have traceable origins.

Take for example the tale of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. Although the notion of a siren-like musician may indeed be pure fable, there is sufficient evidence to suggest that in circa 1200 Hamelin, Germany, did lose its children. Whether the loss was due to the plague, or migration, or a crusade is debatable, however, the real gem lies in this timeless lesson – everything has a price and nothing is for free. Our day of reckoning may be delayed or put off but eventually the Piper must be paid. It is a hard principal, with little room for mercy but if we are to manage our affairs with any kind of success, it is a lesson that must be learned.

Another great tale and one with far older origins, is the Arthurian Romance of the Holy Grail. From Sir Thomas Malory to T.S. Eliot and John Steinbeck, much has been written about the Knights of the Round Table yet the principle that always seems to get missed is the admonition of Sir Gawain.

On the eve of Pentecost, when the knights were gathered in Camelot, the grail appears. When the vision ends, all the knights swear an oath to search for the Grail.

Yet in his wisdom, Sir Gawain counsels that all who undertake this task must find their path and not follow another. As each knight left the castle, Sir Tomas Malory writes, ‘every knight took the way that him liked best.’

As a result; ‘the dark forest,’ first penned by Chretien De Troyes, became more than just a place where adventures happens; it became a metaphor for the deepest parts of our psyche, leaving the reader to ponder; what is my path? Am I remaining true to myself or am I merely following others? Is there enough Sir Galahad in me or do I need self improvement?

Attempting to wrap a unifying theme around this entry would be a stretch. I could tug very hard at the corners and say something about goals and sacrifice. All of which would sound a little preachy. Therefore, I will end with this offering from Shakespeare’s Henry V, that came to mind after watching one too many political adds; ‘The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.’

If

While on vacation, Ron has asked that I (his son, Matt) manage his blog. As a tribute to my father's willingness to both give advice and to follow his path, I offer this poem by Rudyard Kipling.

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son


This poem was written in 1895 as a tribute to British Forces during the Boer War. The tone brings to mind that famous Victorian stoicism so popularized by the phrase ‘a stiff upper lip.’

Incidentally, the line; ‘If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same,’ is written on the player’s entrance at Wimbledon.

For myself, I have always loved the opening verses and equated the trait of keeping one’s head when all others are losing theirs, with my father – a most unflappable man.

The Number 13 and the dollar bill

It is said that the number 13 is an unlucky number. You will usually never see a hotel or motel room numbered 13 or hotels with a 13th floor. This is a very uncommon sports jersey number as well. And it probably goes on.

But consider this: There were 13 original colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our flag.

On our dollar bill there are 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin above, 13 letters in “E Pluribus Unum,” 13 stars above the eagle, 13 plumes of feathers on each span of the Eagle’s wing, 13 bars on the shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and 13 arrows. And a blessing for all Americans in the 13th Amendment to the Constitution.

The symbolism goes on as you look more closely at the dollar bill. “In God We Trust” is on this currency. The Latin above the pyramid, Annuit Coeptis, means “God has favored our undertaking.” The Latin below the pyramid, Novus Ordo Seclorum, means “A new order has begun.” At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. Inside the capstone of the pyramid is the all-seeing eye, the ancient symbol for divinity.

Benjamin Franklin said that one man couldn’t do the great undertaking of creating a new nation alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything.

Ideas found in a Catholic Church bulletin

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can overlook it when something goes wrong through no fault of yours and those you love take it out on you,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can say deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, or politics,

Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.