I have a penchant for romantic song lyrics (not the rock music variety), the 20th and so-far 21st Century replacement for poetry, and a favorite poet-song-writer of mine was John Denver (1943-1997). Not that John Denver was an expert on love, but rather he had a poet’s sensitivity to put into lyric verse some of the observations and questions and feelings that anyone has who does not take this quintessential human need for granted—or for simply a whimsical notion. Just as his song, ‘Wild Montana Skies’ has the lyric, “[I]…give voice to the forest, give voice to the dawn, give voice to the wilderness and the land that he lived on,” so too does his corpus of lyrics, as do others,’ give voice to the thoughts, feelings, and hopes of one who loves, has loved, or desires love. His song, ‘Some Say Love’ is representative of just such a poetic inquiry.
A deeper, and much more insightful, treatment of the nature, risks and rewards of love in its several forms—beyond the typical two-three minute popular love song—is explored, in C.S. Lewis’s “The Four Loves.” His “Surprised by Joy,” is a further treatment as he experienced love firsthand. I highly recommend these books. I have also gained from a Lewis-inspired book, A Severe Mercy, by Sheldon Vanauken.
Eric Fromm’s “The Art of Loving” provides a framework for thoughtful analysis although I reject most of his conclusions stemming from his flawed psychoanalytic premises. One good line of his, however, is this: “To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.” (p. 56)
Leo Buscaglia does a good job of tackling this most human of emotions in several of his books.
Foundational, though, to any serious inquiry of what love is, and its proper expression, for Christian or non-Christian, is found in the New Testament of the Bible. The words of Jesus, and apostles John and Paul are invaluable.
And William Shakespeare had it right with his Sonnet 116. Find it and read it.
My understanding of love, though helped by the writing of others, has come about by what I have experienced from my relationship with God and with my own loved ones. Here, in a nutshell, is what I believe: love is an attitude, an orientation of character that has as its focus the pleasing and well-being of another. It is a giving for another, a giving of yourself, not a ‘trying to get’ from another, but in the living process one does, in fact, get as well. It is achieving a ‘oneness’ with another person and a losing of the separateness of and focus on yourself. It is a ‘standing for’ someone, not a ‘falling for’ them; you stand in love, you don’t fall in love. Love is a synergy. It involves care, responsibility and commitment, respect and appreciation. Lovers are “each in love with the other for the sake of perfecting their mutual work.” (Rumi)
I end with an expression of the attitude of love I was fortunate to learn as a young man as I became acquainted, in an English class, with Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s wonderful poem, ‘How Do I Love Thee?’
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall love thee better after death.
Fact for musing: In her life a green turtle lays an average of 1800 eggs. Of these, some 1395 don't hatch, 374 hatchlings quickly die, and only 3 live long enough to breed. The highest reported number of children born to one mother is 69, to a Russian peasant woman in the 18th century. They comprised four sets of quadruplets, seven sets of triplets, and 16 pairs of twins. Pretty hard to believe.
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