Lucky? Serendipitous?

A man was once watching professional golfer Gary Player hit practice shots out of a sand trap.  After a minute or two the golf pro hit two or three shots in a row into the hole—a remarkable feat—and the observer commented on it.  Gary turned to the man and said: “Yes, it’s funny, isn’t it.  It seems the harder I work the luckier I get.” 

 

“Serendipity is nice, but hoping for luck and the magic of happenstance shouldn’t be a lack of excuse for proactivity.  I had to learn for myself that waiting isn’t a life plan.”   Karen Finerman

A seeming counterpoint for Ms. Finerman’s last sentence (above) is provided by poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in the last three stanzas--and last word-- of his favorite (for me) poem ‘A Psalm of Life’:

            Lives of great men all remind us

                We can make our lives sublime,

            And, departing, leave behind us

                Footprints on the sands of time.

            Footprints, that perhaps another,

                Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

            A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

                Seeing, shall take heart again.

            Let us then be up and doing,

                With a heart for any fate;

            Still achieving, still pursuing

                Learn to labor and to wait. 

 

“For a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; by Friendship God opens our eyes to them. They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the Friendship itself, so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for revealing.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Each of the above provocative quotes leads me to quoting a wonderful poem by a nineteenth century poet by the name of Alice Cary.  Ponder her poem “Nobility”:

            True worth is in being, not seeming,--

                 In doing, each day that goes by,

            Some little good—not in dreaming

                Of great things to do by and by.

            For whatever men say in their blindness,

                And spite of the fancies of youth,

            There’s nothing so kingly as kindness,

                And nothing so royal as truth.

            We get back our mete as we measure—

                We cannot do wrong and feel right,

            Nor can we give pain and gain pleasure,

                For justice avenges each slight.

            The air for wing of the sparrow,

                The bush for the robin and wren,

            But always the path that is narrow

                And straight, for the children of men.

            ‘Tis not in the pages of story

                The heart of its ill to beguile,

            Though he who makes courtship to glory

                Gives all that he hath for her smile.

            For when from her heights he has won her,

                Alas! It is only to prove

            That nothing’s so sacred as honor,

                And nothing so loyal as love!

            We cannot make bargains for blisses,

                Nor catch them like fishes in nets;

            And sometimes the thing our life misses

                Helps more than the thing which it gets.

            For good lieth not in pursuing,

                Nor gaining of great nor of small,

            But just in the doing, and doing

                As we would be done by, is all.  

Lucky?  Serendipitous?  Maybe just work and reward.  

Differences of Opinion and the Need for Civil Opposition

The notion of freedom of speech guaranteed under our Constitution (among our First Amendment rights) is not just one of toleration of differences of point-of-view, but a compelling necessity.  It can be argued that there is a need for ‘opposition in all things.’  This is not because all viewpoints have equal merit or are equally correct—quite the contrary—but it is because freedom of discussion improves our own opinions and clarifies our own values—and maybe in the process others’ opinions and values as well. 

 

Respectful discussion requires rules of engagement.  It requires opportunity for both sides to express their viewpoints and both sides to carefully listen to the other sides’ arguments.  For this to happen it requires decency of language, disallowance of labeling or accusing and it requires not only full opportunity for expression but for rebuttal under explicit or understood rules of civil discourse.  When one side starts yelling or labeling or denouncing the other side as ‘bigots’ or ‘hateful’ or using other disparaging remarks or tactics it almost always reveals a cessation or poverty of substantive argument or honest evaluation of the issue under disagreement.  It may even, then, require the regulating of freedom of the revolutionists who cannot or will not maintain debate when it does not suit their purposes yet insist upon remaining in the arena.  Rock throwing—physical or verbal—does not facilitate conversation. 

    

All of this is for the real purpose of freedom of speech—to arrive at a truth.  More than being a system for the toleration of error, it is a system for the finding of truth. 

 

Perhaps we can picture a courtroom with rules of order, presentation of evidence, witnesses, cross-examination of witnesses, all in the presence of a judge and jury who weigh the evidence and arrive at a verdict in light of the law.  Or consider a forum where a speaker must respond to questions, or a reputable newspaper where opinions on both sides are published with balance; or a scientific article presentation that must be subjected to a peer-review.

In a totalitarian state there is a system of one-way communication.  The audience is expected to listen but cannot and dare not speak back or vote with secret ballot.  Under a despotism the opposition is quashed and critical discussion disappears.  While the right to talk may be the beginning of freedom, the necessity of listening is what makes the right important.

 

If a civil balance does not exist, democracy perishes.

Impressions

When one travels to a new place or meets a new person or encounters or experiences something previously un-investigated he usually forms an immediate impression that tends to last, but sometimes invites further investigation and thus can be altered. These impressions can be positive or negative. There are few new experiences that do not, to some degree, color future encounters with the same stimulus.  And impressions happen quickly.  It is at that point that generalizations begin to form that could lead to polar opposites—attraction/repulsion; invitation/exclusion; participation/avoidance; acceptance/rejection. 

  

The impressions or representations we make on others can, therefore, be very important. Impressions are made and impressions are received once one's attention is drawn to something new or unique. 

   

The art of making a good and lasting impression on others is something that can be developed by careful attention.  Many a job-seeker or wife-or-husband-seeker or salesperson has been sunk by not developing the skill of looking through another person’s eyes or sensing the impression he/she is making. 

The advice I would give is to Do unto others, or Be unto others, or Represent unto others, what you would like to have done unto you—provided you do not compromise your deepest values.  People of all cultures or religions recognize this as being an application or variation of what Christians call the ‘Golden Rule.’ You give the person what they really want or really need because this is what you really want for yourself—and for them.

First impressions are, of course, only made once.  Second or third (good) impressions become progressively more difficult to make if the first one is blown. 

If you have blown an opportunity to make a good first impression there still may be hope.  Barriers may need to be breached, apologies made, pride dropped, submission occur and trust developed or little can be done to help one repair the damage done and make a better first impression (actually second or subsequent impression). 

 

This is where the coachable person can make tremendous strides forward—if he/she would but learn from the more-experienced or successful mentor or model who has or understands these principles.

 

The caveat, however, for giver and receiver, is that impressions are impressions—they are not the whole truth.  Getting to know someone or something takes time. So do not jump to hasty conclusions over first impressions or appearances.

  

Learn and practice the skill of making good first impressions and representations—and let them be true.